مايو 17، 2009

Let the court be held

Pain_by_BlackSnoopy

Every night at 11 pm, I enter my room, keep for myself, hold my laptop and internally decide that my conflicts are ones that will not settle out of court. So, let the court be held.t

I brainstorm, write what happened, and then judge.t

The judge says “Now tell me: Why did you choose this course of action?”t

Desperately trying to overcome my negative ideas, I internally think “Shut up REMORSE. Shut up fucken Majesty”.t

The judge looks at the jury. A small piece of paper flies towards him. Then, like a thunder, his voice echoes: “Guilty”.t

Most of the audience cheers up, webbing their hands over their mouths, mocking at me.t

BUT I AM NOT.t

I am just some good guy who decided to choose the good side of the agony. A lifeboat who knew he would sink, but insisted to offer help for a sunken hope. It was like putting my neck on the chopping block, stabbing it one time. Pain. I experienced pain within every single day for years. Then I gave up. I was not able to follow through any more. So, I grabbed the blunt stiletto and experienced a harsher torture.t

I came to a moment when I thought that unless I change my present, my past would foretell the future. I had had dreams before this, so I said to myself “Let your past dreams get back to their feet”. I know that I am the one to be blamed, but I am also the one to be pitied. Your majesty I now know it. I am half-guilty. I am no victim of nobody. I stabbed myself.t

The audience roars up. Some are happy, some are sad, but all of them chatter. t

The judge looks at his watch, straightens up, stares at me and says “The trial procedures will be postponed to the session held tomorrow the same time. Don’t think you are going to calm down. This round may be over, but the game is not over yet.t

On my bed, I lay half-conscious. I curl into a ball of self-pity until the next morning.t

هناك 7 تعليقات:

أحمد الشمسي يقول...

Well, it's understandable that you like to tortue yourself. It is not so that you like to tortue me with you!

I really felt much pain reading this piece. Amr, I had enough of my own courts.

Please write some cheerful posts.

عمرو يقول...

I am afraid then to tell u tht u r invited no more to read this blog.

hehehehehe
So wicked Amr.. so wicked

Well, here I am taking it seriously. Ahmed u know we write our minds. This is wht I think and feel. If I am to try writing cheerful posts, I am probably not going to post anything at all.
Why don't u try it? Cheer us up.

عمرو يقول...

*I am afraid then tht I have to tell u

تــسنيـم يقول...

ومن أدراك أني لا أجــئ؟؟

عمرو يقول...

يا ربي على البخل.. ولما تعلقي تكتبي خمس كلمات بس. ومن أدراني انك بتيجي؟ عاملة إيه؟ فيييييينك؟

Isolde يقول...

This is sooooooooo harsh. Easy, man... have mercy on ur self, and on ur readers... come on, show me a BIG smile... i'll wait 4 it in ur next post.

عمرو يقول...

Hi Isolde
7ader ya sety. ISA the next post will be cheerful
:)